“You’re a work of art. Not everyone will understand you, but the ones who do, will never forget about you.”— (via kaliforhnia)
A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.this fucks me up every single time
I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I’ve written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.
I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
This is so fucking important and I think it’s something I needed right now
I love this
me, living my life: chaotic stupid
what a past couple of months these have been….
i’ve been struggling emotionally lately, i’m anticipating the biggest change i’ve ever faced in my life. i’ve made it through so much to be here today and i am so grateful that i never gave up. 6 years ago things were so different. i hated my life. i hated my family. i didn’t feel like i could be myself. my identity consisted of being an athlete and that meant everything to me. fast forward to now, that means nothing to me. sure, it helped me get to where i am, but in the end, it means nothing. now i feel like i’ve found my niche in life, caring for people unconditionally. i never thought i would be doing this but i’ve fallen in love with it and it has pushed me past my limits. i think this journey has molded me into an incredible human being and i am so proud of that. i feel like i bring so much to this world now and i would be doing people a disservice if i quit life. i feel honored to be here and to be a part of my family. years and years of struggle, hatred, and anger have changed into appreciation, love, and thankfulness. i’ve learned my family means so much to me, although we are not even close to perfect. this all has made me strive to be better than them and to give my own family the life i felt i deserved.
at this point in my life, i can say i am content with where i am. i have a long way to go, but i have found genuine happiness in my life, profession, and family. i’ve hurt and lost so much in the last year, but it’s become clear that i do not need these things. i do not need people in my life who are not on my level of maturity. i do not value anybody else more than i value myself. i will never let anybody disturb my peace again. the best thing i’ve ever done was become self reliant. loneliness comes and goes but at the end of the day, i remember who i am, how hard i’ve worked, and how far i’ve come, and that is enough for me.
